"hey girl, so I am currently heading back to school after a leave of absence for a few weeks because of severe anxiety, I am on medication for it now (a half of the lowest dose) because I don't like taking medications and I tried every natural way possible before getting on medication, yoga, meditation, diet, exercise, you name it. But anyway the half dose has helped me immensely. I think I am scared of going back and having severe anxiety again, I don't like to push it on my friends or ruin a good time out with them if i do get anxious and wanna go back to the apartment. Or even worse want to go home again completely. My anxiety usually revolves around my health which I have no health concerns but my therapist thinks its prob stemmed from when my mom had breast cancer in the 4th grade, back then my teacher literally had to come down and get my ass out of the car and into class b/c I was so anxious to leave my mom. The anxiety has been mostly fine since 4th grade when she recovered up until this summer. It was so suffocating, and I kept pushing it down, and moved back into college and it just blew up and I had to go home to catch my breath and get adjusted to the new medication. Im mostly scared that when i get back Im gonna blow up in anxiety again, I have plenty of tools from taking therapy of things that help me but I mostly don't want to weigh down my friends if it happens. I think im afraid of them thinking im a bummer or that I wont want to do things, which is actually completely the opposite b/c I am so much better busy and doing stuff, keeps my mind occupied from thinking abt things to be anxious abt. Also, recently the better my anxiety gets, the more insecure i am feeling b/c im not so focused on the anxiety. It even has impacted my relationship with my girlfriend a little bit b/c I was getting insecure about the stupidest littlest things that my brain made into "omg she doesn't like me anymore; she's being so distant" things like that. Which I can see now is very far from the truth, and I feel like an asshole b/c its not fair to her when I accuse her of being distant when she isn't because of my own insecurities. We talked through it and I apologized and she completely understands that a lot was going on the past couple weeks. The truth is she is just the best fucking person ever and I'm very in love with her, and then i get anxious and insecure about her deserving better than me, which is a thought I also need to tame down when I get insecure, but this thought is kinda rare, it usually only occurs when I make a mistake in the relationship or do something stupid which I think is normal b/c I just want the best for her. I'm now not sure what would be worse, if i get super anxious about my health, or I get super insecure, and my girlfriend feels the repercussions, although both of them I know are irrational right now, it is hard to convince myself otherwise when I am in that crazy super anxious/insecure state. We are also long distance which does NOT help if i ever did this to here again. We both understand commination over text isn't as good as in person b/c you cant read tone and things like that. We are very very close and can work through anything and have before, i just really dont wanna hurt her again. What do you think? Also, to lighten the mood-What's the best time of day to eat an apricot ? Thank youuuu-RealLanaDelRey20"

Dear RealLanaDelRay20,

Girllll anxiety is literally the worst thing ever. I think it's very clear that you are very in tune with how you are feeling and are surrounded by people who understand if you need extra support/ want you to feel better. I totalllyyy get what you mean when you say now that your anxiety is getting better you feel more insecure about different things. In my experience, anxiety can express itself in different ways, and I have definitely been insecure in my relationship because I've felt like I am too much or not showing up in a relationship enough for my partner to want me. I think you are feeling kind of similar, and all I can say is that feeling like that is so shitty and all consuming, but you have to remind yourself that a relationship is a two way partnership, and if you need extra support right now that is ok. You aren't expected to always be able to show up and be at your best in a relationship, just as you wouldn't expect your girlfriend to constantly be perfectly happy. I think viewing anxious thoughts from another persons perspective can sometimes be helpful, especially from the POV of someone you care about. For example, if your girlfriend was feeling the way you are feeling right now, wouldn't you tell her that it's a dumb thought and you would never not love her over something she is going through? You aren't too much because you are struggling right now, and you have to remind yourself that nobody thinks that. And honestly if anyone is annoyed by you having anxiety they are crappy friends. Likeee have that panic attack girl! You deserve it! just kidding obv. But as for the being scared about going back to college and blowing up again, I think it honestly something that you just have to be talking about and continue to be open about. The reason you've probably had this blowup recently was because you tried repressing that hoe all summer, just inevitably making it worse and worse until u freaked tf outtt. IDK im not a psychologist but imo if you are open and honest with yourself and you continue to stay in tune with how you feel and know how to set boundaries for yourself instead of repressing your feelings I think it will help you regulate the blow ups of anxious thoughts. Obviously you are still going to face anxious thoughts n shi, but recognizing that it's happening can maybe help you to at least be able to stay at school and not have to pick up and leave, which is also probably worsening anxiety. IDK if any of this is helpful at alll but yeah that's my take. Feel ur feelings ms lana. Summertime summertime sadnesssss. also i think it is the best time to eat an apricot is in the evening bc they help u poop so then ur morning shit will be so solid. Ok girl praying for u hope the amtrak is gas asf rn.XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


Greetings Stellatonin. One of my biggest concerns in life right now is loneliness. Not in terms of friends but in terms of romance. I’ve never dated anyone for longer than a month, and one of the two girls I’ve dated sort of tried to ghost me, which sucked cus I really liked her. Anyways, I have almost no romantic experience for college, and will soon be forced into an environment where I think everyone will have more experience than me. I feel like I have a fear of asking women out: 1. Because I’ve never done it, 2. Because of my preconceived notions that women won’t like me, and 3. Fear of rejection. Despite knowing that fear of rejection is stupid, it still stops me. I’ve seen cute girls in public I’d like to ask out, even once seeing girls with a smiths poster while I was wearing a smiths shirt and I didn’t say a word even though I wanted to. All this to say, I feel too inept and self hating to get a girlfriend, but too lonely to not want one. Any advice is appreciated."

Dear anonymous,

Loneliness in and of itself sucks. I am someone who loves being alone, but simultaneously when I am by myself for too long I find myself getting really sad, and that sucks. It is really hard to be an introvert and also hate being alone, it makes romantic encounters a lot less likely and a lot more anxiety inducing. I understand that. It is something I've delt with for a long time and had to overcome, but here is how I did it: I stopped trying to constantly be in a relationship or look for someone to date. When you stop viewing all women in your life as something that you could possibly be with or ask out, I think you become a lot less nervous to just simply talk to people and view them as friends. You said that you don't feel lonely in terms of friendships, so maybe changing your outlook on who you become friends with will help you. The truth of the matter is, you don't always need to be in a relationship, I wasn't until I was 19. Maybe it feels like you are behind everyone else your age or youre embarassed or feel inexperienced, but trust me, u aren't. You currently exist in a small town circle, and soon that circle is going to grow into something much bigger and you will find people who are probably in the exact same boat as you. You don't need to be in a relationship, and when it is your time someone will come to you. My only advice is to stop thinking about it all the time, because as soon as I was focused on myself and viewing everyone around me as friends, i was able to actually develop a real close relationship with someone. You don't need to immediately hop into dating someone, and imo being friends with someone first creates a stronger romantic relationship in the long run. With that being said, you shouldn't start to try and 'friend' your way into a relationship, i think that honestly you should push the idea of dating anyone out of your mind and try and focus on yourself and your own confidence. You need to be open to friendship with anyone (and especially your relationship with yourself!) before you start trying to ask out girls. It will come naturally!! You are not unlikeable or unwanted because you lack experience, you've just been going about it the wrong way. Don't think about it too much, and focus on loving yourself before you start trying to love someone else. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"so basically i met this person over the summer and like idk not to be cringy but like i haven’t been so close to someone in such a short amount of time but like here’s where the issue comes in summers liek almost over and it’s just gotten really sad and he’s sad and i’m sad. and it just kinda sucks just bc we are both so obsessed with each other lol and i feel like i have a gut feeling that it doesn’t have to be over and like he’s looking for jobs in vt but also i don’t want him to go if he doesn’t wanna like i don’t wanna be the deciding factor even tho i want to believe that he will liek make the decision on his own. but idk i just feel so sad and i’m crying a lot and stuff like ig it was inevitable but like i just didn’t expect it. and like ik i need to talk to him but like i also don’t wanna make him think i don’t want him to go to vt bc i do but i also want him to make more of a decision for himself. pls help i feel so weird. and so sad. i cant stop crying which i think makes it worse like i’ll have a convo with him and breakdown into tears bc like i have to leave soon."

Dear anonymous,

As someone who was in this situation a year ago, i can tell you that it really sucks and also is the worst and i also cried a lot. Not knowing what lies ahead for a relationship with someone you care about is a really shitty feeling, especially when it is a fresh relationship and you haven't had much time to really connect or learn how to communicate with eachother. i will say though, that as shitty as it is, if it does work out things could be really awesome. speaking from experience, if i could go back to Stella a year ago and give her one piece of advice, I think it would be to COMMUNICATE. And i know that sucks to hear because talking about weird shit like relationships that aren't official but are also simultaneously ending is terrible and awkward, but it will help you so much in the long run. I spent like 4 months just pushing down my feelings for Drew before I was actually honest and told him what I wanted out of our relationship, and I think that is what is most important in this situation. From the way you talk about him, you seem to have some larger feelings that you maybe don't want to admit to yourself because its scary or 'cringe' as you wrote. I think that feeling like that is perfectly okay but it means that you need to talk to him about it. I also think that it is okay to be a little selfish in the situation. If he is already looking at jobs in the Vermont area, i don't necessarily think that telling him how you feel about him/ that you would like to continue seeing him is a bad thing. Sometimes the things we don't say can hurt us more in the long run, and maybe he doesn't want to scare you by moving up to Vermont if he isn't sure about your opinions on the matter. You never know, and in my opinion i think it is better to put everything out on the table now while you can still talk it out in person because it gets 100x more confusing over the phone. I will leave u with this: my anthem for "things are never really inevitable," : Spotify Link and no more crying. crying is lame and you should never cry over a man, even if he wears tevas and kayaks. u rock queen. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"hello dearest, i know things are happening for u so obviously no rush to answer this- you have very wise advice so i figured i’d try your brain. lately i have realized i am often extremely unaware of other peoples feelings and recently this caused a fight with one of my best friends. she told me this trait has made me a bad friend. and tbh she was right and i’m trying to fix it but i don’t know how. it’s not like i’ll say mean things to people but i just miss social cues or do things that i think are harmless but they end up being very not harmless. i’m scared i’ve been doing this for a lot longer than i’ve realized and i’ve just never noticed that i can be a bad friend in that way. i ask your advice on how to be more aware of other peoples feelings and how to slow down my thinking so i take into account everyone’s emotions and not just immediately react to things. this is also a super intense question so if you don’t want to or know how to answer this don’t even worry about it lover. with much love for u,hot & sexy."

Dear Hot & Sexy,

Truly and honestly, i think everyone struggles with this problem in someway. I know i have been called out for not being empathetic toward situations and it has caused issues, but at the end of the day we are all human and we make mistakes. It sounds so corny, but you are allowed to make mistakes- it only becomes a problem when you know its wrong and you continue to do it. You have already taken the correct first steps- accepting that it was a mistake and that you were in the wrong. Not knowing how to fix it is ok too, because it isn't the type of thing you can just consciously choose to stop. We all have traits that are engrained into our personality and sometimes these traits are difficult to relearn, but that doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you aren't trying. What I disagree with about your message is that you used the phrase "I'm scared," which makes me think you are starting to feel overrun with anxiety over this problem. This is a natural thing to feel, but you can't let that overrcome you, because at the end of the day, nobody hates you and nobody thinks you are a terrible friend, and if they truly think that you are an awful human for making a mistake, then they aren't someone worth letting into your life. My advice may not sound revolutionary because i think people say this all the time and it sounds dumb and stupid and gay, but i think it is a harder task then what it seems to be on surface level: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. ewwww bible quote. but it's lowkey so real. and really hard to consciously walk through life doing, because sometimes it's funny to make a joke about someone at their expense or easy to not be aware of their feelings, but when you really reflect on it, how would it make you feel? Maybe i've just been thinking too much and this is really dumb advice, but if you try and hold this message with you, it could be helpful. Maybe also try to open up a conversation with your friend if you haven't already. I know in the past when small stuff like this has been brought up, it is more helpful for me to know if this was a continuing issue or just a one time thing. communicating is what will make it easier for you to navigate what you say to prevent hurting friends. If you know what the main issues are, you can start small and just try to avoid making comments about those specific things and then slowly grow to slow your thinking before you speak all together. At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with you for having this issue, and you are not a bad person because you made a mistake. dont forget that girlll!!! u rock ilysm. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"hi stellatonin this is hella anonymous u don’t know me. shhhhhh. anyway i’m like really sad and idk why and i’m like okay is it bc i’m on new meds or what or am i j sad idk but i don’t wanna be sad and can’t pin point why. but this is so anonymous u don’t know who i am at all."

Dear anonymous,

haiiii i'm sorry ur so sad. I think starting a new medicine is probably killing u and ur prob just having tummy problems cus of clashing meds butttt its not fun to be sad so u need to do ur little dances and skip around. lalalaala. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"hi stella,i am seeking advice on a most dire situation: parker has become infatuated with her snapchat ai. she is constantly talking to it, more than she talks to me. the ai also sends her heart message. i don’t know what to do. perhaps i will ask my snapchat ai. xoxo, pussydestroyer123"

Dear pussydestroyer123,

It sounds like your girlfriend (lesbians r gross) hates you and is cheating on you. Do you think they make sweet sweet love together? I bet they do. Heart emojis? Disgusting. I can't even fathom falling in love with a robot, but Parker suprises me everyday with her strange lesbian antics. I pray for you, i pray that you heal, i pray that you awaken from this curse. I pray you get better. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"hello stella tobin, recently i’ve been FORCeD to painstaking hand carve a cowboy boot for some rando two floors below me. i was stalked and threatened until i agreed to use my artistic skill for something which is quite frankly, beneath me. after hours and hours of work i have finished said cowboy boot stamp and am looking to trade it for my safety and freedom, can you please advice me when and how i should give this peace offering as to not disturb the demon who demanded it of me. ttylxoxo,the cowboy boot stamp carver"

Dear The Cowboy Boot Stamp Carver,

If i were the person in which you had carved said stamp for, i could tell you i will be home today at around 1 pm, and would be willing to trade your safety and freedom for it. As to not disturb the demon which you have awoken, my reccomendation is to deliver said stamp with an irish accent, as i have heard that this rando is extremely fearful of the irish, and will surrender in peace when the luck of the irish is heard. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"i have a medium sized crush on a beautiful man who i am friends with so i’m scared to make too forward moves because if i’m reading the signs wrong i will be embarrassed and have to see him every week for the rest of forever. also i have lately become incapable of shutting up. what do you suggest?"

Dear Anonymous,

I'm not sure why you are coming to me with this problem as you are literally my wife, and that is kind of rude, but i am happy u are finding #love, even if it is unfortunately with a man. He's probably in love with you because ur awesome and perfect and beautiful so u should give him a lil kiss. My sources told me yall went star gazing together so thats rlly romantic and ur probably gonna get married. Ur never reading the signs wrong because men are simple beings and it is so easy to tell when they like you (they have small brains). As for the latter situation, u should NEVER shut up because ur a girl and girls have things! to! say! talk ur shit forever and always. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"i am also addicted to melatonin gummies and was wondering what brand you take!"

Dear Anonymous,

This is an advice column, not a question and answer page. If you had properly read my homepage, you would know i am in recovery from the melatonin, but i previously would take 8 10mg vitafusion melatonin gummies and they were soooo yummy. Now i occasionally take a 1mg gummy that my dearest roomates hand feed me because they do not trust me.XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"How do I tell if i'm just manic or finally happy? sincerely,insane."

Dear insane,

I think i'm constantly at a fine line between these two because i feel genuinely insane all of the time with the way that my brain works, but honestly i've chose to just try and let myself soak in the happiness,whether it is a legitamate happy or a false sense of happiness. I also think that happiness isn't a permanent feeling we can achieve, everyone has ups and downs and i don't think anyone is constantly in a state of happiness, so whether ur on the brink of a break down or you are feeling a legitimate happiness, my advice is to just let yourself feel good for once rather than worrying about why you feel good or if you deserve to feel good. Your happiness won't be enjoyable if you spend all your time questioning if it is real or not.XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"You will never know who I am. This must be made greatly and certainly clear; I am a vague, vaporous, ghostly figure in the grand scheme of your life as I am with all those I meet. That leads me into the grand crux of my problem: I don’t exist or matter much to anyone. I often call my mother and tell her that were I to get stabbed, the only people that would notice would be my teachers angry at my absence. I maintain regular contact with absolutely nobody in my life. Ego death has caused moments of selfishness wherein I underestimate so greatly my presence on this planetary body that I fail to show up for those around me, causing damage to their ego. So was the greatest flaw of my father, or so I’m told. I do not speak to him. Because of my crippling ego, I have been greatly unable to make friends or find romantic partners in college. I am no where near flirtatious, and most show me very little interest. I was told by a potential partner that they thought I was homosexual due to my apparent lack of interest in the other sex; I have great interest as with anyone else, but find myself so worthless that there is no point in even trying. I will never ask anyone out, ask to be anyone’s friend, start a conversation, go to a party I’m not invited to, reach out to my siblings, parents, or friends from home regularly because I know deep down, their day will be better if they don’t hear from me. The truth is though, I feel I have missed out; everyone’s lack of reaching to me makes me conclude that I must be ugly or worthless at least.Take that bro"

Dear anonymousfriar1974,

I've never felt that being a ghostly figure in life is a negative thing. Sometimes i feel that i float through life in this way, or go days without speaking to those i care about. Despite feeling this way, i have found that it is not beneficial for me personally to constantly tell myself that, because i am more introverted or find it hard to reach out to people, this in turn means that i do not matter to people. along with this, you used the phrase, "I fail to show up for those around me," when referring to your feelings toward yourself and your own presence in life. Does this mean that you correlate meaning something to someone with your feelings toward yourself? Obviously we all feel a certain way about ourselves, but we cannot let ourselves fall into such a deep pit of self hatred that we convince ourselves that other people feel the same way toward us. I did this for so long, and it has such a negative affect on your mind and body. I also want to say that, even if it feels hard or you simply don't want to reach out to people in your life, you are capable of asking others to reach out to you. At the end of the day, our relationships with those around us do not just exist within ourselves. Similar to a romantic relationship, I think it is okay to lean on others when you feel as though you cannot pull your own weight. it took me such a long time to realize that just because i am struggling with something, it doesn't mean i don't deserve to feel loved. You should kill ur dad. I'll also say, upon our meeting, i genuinely thought you were one of the coolest people ive ever met. It's hard to find people who i actually like (i am the biggest hater ever) (specifically people you have spoken to romantically in the past) (i hate ****), and i think it is a good trait to be able to surround yourself with people who you genuinely enjoy being around, rather than just people who are there. Honestly, based on your quote about a partner thinking you were homosexual, it sounds like you just surround yourself with people who suck. It is okay to be an introverted person, but you cannot let introvertedness and insecurities cause you to surround yourself with shitty people because it is the easiest option. Maybe this is a difference of opinion, but I'm also not someone who goes out to parties im not invited to or makes the effort to start a friendship, but i know myself and i know that is who i am, so i think it is ok for me to not be that person. I think our difference comes in because it sounds like you want to be the person who does these things, but because you struggle with yourself, it is hard to be that person. At the end of the day, the only real advice i feel like i can give you is: it is okay to expect effort from other people, and you are not ugly or worthless when people don't put that effort in. You need to communicate what you want out of other people, it doesn't just happen. You are a good person, people love you, you just need to work on finding a connection to yourself that makes you happy. We all have parts that we hate and parts that we like or even love about ourselves. If we don't choose to amplify the parts of ourselves that we love, we will inevitably feel like shit.XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"another problem. basically i am currently an environmental engineering major however i am not because i am actually an environmental science major. but the forces that be which dictate the environmental science major have, in a great crusade to design an interdisciplinary educational experience, have lost the science aspect of the major. really, the course is more in the likes of environmental studies. but it is still calllllllled environmental science. so there is that. but there’s also this awesome new major called geosciences where one would get to take courses in the topics of real science like rocks and the earth and stuff, and like actual chemistry, which would be totally awesome. except today i was talking to my glaciology and climate science professor, who happens to be named after a species of coniferous tree, and he was all like oh for undergrad i did environmental studies and geology. but at this pathetic excuse for a university, earth and environmental science are separated into two different colleges. so not really an option (or is it?). im at a crossroads. being in geoscience would be awesome and so amazing, but oil and fossil fuels and fracking and mineral extraction are not. having the title of environmental science, even though the courses are a sham, may be beneficial in pursuing more of the research oriented geology positions in the future. idk. sincerely,cog in the oil industry"

Dear Cog in the Oil Industry,

I've always been in support of fracking and the oil industry, dearest writer. While the title of environmental science may seem more appealing to you, if you are already unnapeased by the contents of the major, what is truly stopping you from being unnapeased by the contents of environmental studies? Wouldn't you be relatively unhappy in either? If you switch to environmental studies, you could double major in geoscience rather than dual major and want to die. I think this is a much better option, unless of course you don't want to spend your days in the mines. I know that you support big oil as does walter poleman of UVM. I bet you like tofurky too.XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"i cant stop crying idk why i’m crying i can’t stop (everyday)"

Dear anonymous,

crying is a natural sign that our body is functioning the way it should be. I personally like to think of it as being really sweaty, and then I start laughing because sweating out of your eyes would be weird. One time, my best friend from highschool was sobbing, and as I racked my brain for any way I could provide her comfort, the only thing that came to mind was to ask her,"are peanuts beans?" My question was never answered. It didn't make her stop crying either. We don't talk much anymore. So i guess all of this is to say: crying is okay, you just probably shouldn't do it around me. I am not very good at comforting people. I don't know why I'm going into human services. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"I don’t think my girlfriend loves me anymore. What do I do"

Dear anonymous,

She doesn't. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"hai stellatonin. so basically i had a crazyyy dayyy ahhhh. and i had lab today and we were put in groups of 4/5 and guess who was in my group (yeah you know who) anyway we had a really good convo and they are basically awesome so like any advice on that situation bc now they actually know my name and shit and i’m probs in love soooo if u could give me advice. pls. thank u so much.

Dear anonymous,

I am glad to know your dearest partner for life is now aware of your existence. Did you tell them you are medicated now? That's such a turn on. Also, have you considered that their last relationship ended due to their take on the israelian/palestinian conflict? May be something you want to take into consideration, as you are Jewish in case you forgot. I know you gave up being Jewish for Lent, but i remember (i never forget). Anywayssss, if you consider all these factors and are still in love with them, i give you the following advice: talk to them maybe. Or you could try strangely lingering around them and being weird and strange. That could be funny (for me). It would probably be embarassing for you. I do think it is a sure fire sign that they love you back though, because they did not cry nor throw up when randomly placed in a group with u. keep feeding those delusions girlie! XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"Hi, Here is my list of problems:

  1. I really like this girl but the issue is that I met her on HINGE EWWW ok so gross but besides that I really like her…. But after like 3 times of us meeting she was like “wait do you know ******” and I was like… yeah why. And she was like “lol that’s my ex”and I was like wtf. Because ****** is a girl I was supposed to LIVE WITH NEXT YEAR (no longer) AND WE ARE LIKE KIND OF FRIENDS. And I had no idea they were ever a thing so I was kinda put off but I feel like I’m in too deep to end it. Also I cant tell what she wants from me. I’m really psycho and deleted every dating app off her phone and also accidentally walked an hour and a half to her apartment at midnight so I’m really down bad. We’re supposed to go to a frat party on Friday though which Is really ironic.
  2. My Ex has a new girl and she stalks my Instagram and also looks like a Walmart version of me if I was short and blonde. I feel bad for her cuz my ex still follows me on every social media and views all my shit. Poor girl. Hope he doesn’t traumatize her. Also I keep seeing him in the dining hall which sucks so bad like bro let me eat in peace.
  3. I have to get my hair done over break and I’m getting a tattoo AND my sugar daddy canceled on me last weekend so I legit have no money but I still wanna get my hair done and my tattoo so i dont know what to do. Prostitution maybe?"

Dear anonymous,

girllll u got a lot of issues. Thanks for writing in. So basically u broke girl code but i think its fine because i don't really believe in women. Also u guys were supposed to live together but arent so something must have happened which means shes probably a bad person so u should continue to see her ex probably. Ur not psycho for deleting her dating apps, never trust a hoe. U deserve sweet sweet lady kisses. get ur bag !!!! speak ur truth!!! Ur ex boyfriend sucks and hes ugly so i think it is weird he still views all ur stuff and is literally dating another version of u. That's something only a man would do. My reccomendation? bomb him. Airstrikes. Keep bombing him. Or if that's not ur thing you could send him a very heartfelt letter from his new girlfriend in which she breaks up with him. I think that would be funny. As for your third problem, you could beg and plead your mother to pay for your hair as a birthday gift? taurus season is coming up after all. I am curious about said 'sugar daddy,' though. Please write back and tell me about how you aquired this situation. as I've said before, this blog does not bring in much revenue. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"I love my girlfriend too much. Like I hold a pillow at night and pretend it’s her and kiss it goodnight too much. What do I do?"

Dear anonymous,

Your girlfriend seems to be a really awesome and cool and beautiful girl. I see nothing wrong with pretending your pillow is her, as long as you aren't doing weird sex stuff with it. That would be really weird. The only advice I can give you is simple. You ask 'what do i do?', my simple response is that you should probably instacart this girl (who definitely isnt me), some flowers because she would probably really like that and it would make her feel better if she happened to be having a bad week or something (i dont know if she is but if she is that would be so nice of you and she would probably cry). She probably misses you a lot too and you should probably tell her that you miss her so she feels like you like her cus sometimes she gets anxious. These are all assumptions anonymous im just a girl at the end of the day.XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"So I’ve been hanging out with my friend drew for a while but now he is so far away and he doesn’t talk to me unless he send memes to me throughut day. So what do you think about this because I don’t want to drive be the threee hours to Amherst because it is so far and I have to go home to get my car then go back. So what do you think also png.Stella and my friends girlfriend look very similar btw also what are we doing this summer because school is boring. Thanks for the advice!Sincerely,anonymous"

Dear anonymous,

Have you considered taking a bus? From my knowledge, your friend drew misses you dearly as well. He talks about you all the time. Maybe call him and whisper sweet nothings to him occassionaly. I'm sure he would love a cuddle from you anonymous, you guys are boyfriends after all. Do you guys ever skateboard and then hold eachother after and kiss? you should. It would probably be good for your relationship. As for your question in regards to this summer, I do agree that school is boring. I am going to be a little bit busy during the month of June as I am taking a five week biology class, but I will obviously make time for my dearest highschool friend. we need to get in mike dough's stu. Hope this was helpful. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"i am having an issue with my girlfriend. firstly, she did not text me goodnight one night which made me really sad, and i think has spiraled into a three-day-long anti sleep bender of which i am currently partaking in. second, she recently commented on my instagram, and i quote, “aww [clap emoji][clap emoji] i love you!” what do you think that means?sincerely,the revered pussydestroyer123"

Dear the revered pussydestroyer123,

First of all, lebsians. My first though is david and patrick froms schitts creek. gross. My second thought is a simple one: Why are you sad over a girl who once honed the term "i'm hitting bench"? Never lose sleep over a foul and sick woman like this. My opinion? develop a severe addiction to 10mg melatonin. Maybe then have a uvm BASICS meeting about your addiction habits. AND you'll be able to sleep. As for the instagram comment, there is nothing I can do for you except turn to the lord and pray. Turn to the lord and say,"Dear God, why did you make my girlfriend type like a millenial?" and wait for a sign from above. I hope you get well soon dearest writer. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"Im worried about my friend she is losing her mind (she is also named Stella). She made a creepy website and I feel like she’s going to end up on the news or fbi’s most wanted. Should we start slipping her lithium? Is that okay? Sincerely,Concerned Friend"

Dear Concerned Friend,

It sounds like your friend (she has a spectacular name by the way!) has found a new passion. I think you should support her endeavors because she is a girl and girls cant do anything wrong. As for the lithium, if you feed it to her with a little bit of cheese she would probably enjoy it. Beware though, she probably has an extremely addictive personality so once you start feeding her the lithium with cheese you cannot stop or she will have very very bad withdrawls. I do think it is okay. XOXO- Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"third roommate is trying to kill me (see snap story for more details it is too much to type i cant do it).how can i resolve this in the MOST passive aggressive way possible?"

Dear anonymous,

After a quick review of said 'private story', I have come to find that your roomate has placed a bin in your direct path, causing you to eat shit. This prompted no response from said roomate, leaving you to believe she did this on purpose in an attempt to kill you. After pondering this situation for quite some, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one solution. You need to buy a block of very stinky cheese, and hide it somewhere in her bed. Do not tell her about the cheese. When she starts to question the smell, or inevitably finds the cheese within the cozy comforts of her bed, do not tell her you put it there. Let her be confused. If she questions you, deny deny deny. Do not give away your identity as the cheese hooligan. This will confuse her and she will move out. XOXO, Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚



Dear anonymous,

Have you considered the fact that your unmedicated tendencies may be imagining these 'alter egos'? Along with this, I don't believe it is smart to sleep with a weapon so close to your precious arteries. That is weird. XOXO-Stellatonin˚ʚ♡ɞ˚


"I have an anonymous problem about me being a slut who ruins everything. So there was this guy on Grindr who I find irrationally boring but I can’t bring myself to block him cuz he isn’t rude or anything I kinda just am dry towards them in hope that they leave me alone. They found out I work at dunkin by using the distance thingy on Grindr when I said I was at work. Creepy. But yeah he walked in pretended not to know me and order his coffee. I ghosted on him for a couple days then today he tells me he applied to my job. I need help do I tell my manger under no circumstance hire this guy who wants to fuck me or do I wait until he is hired to tell my manger not to put me on shift with him or do I just be a big girl and work regularly with him and hate every second of it. I need your help. Sincerely, Anona-slut"

Dear Anona-Slut,

at the end of the day, you are NOT a slut. It's not your fault your bomb ass pussy has everyone within a 50 mile radius stalking you. I will personally be applying to the Dunkin Donuts this summer because I'm tryna get some too. I don't think its creepy he just needs some grandma killing head. You can't serve it out and not expect this reaction. I do agree you should tell your manager to not hire him, but you should BEG her to hire me. This blog doesn't make much revenue.- XOXO,stellatonin